That’s right, I want you to judge my students’ ability to collectively write a paragraph about what makes Hong Kong interesting. Below are writing samples from the two seventh-grade classes that I work with. In the course of getting them to brainstorm and write a coherent paragraph, I told them that I would post these on the Internet to find out what the general public thought about their ability to write. I won’t tell you anything about what they have written. I put the onus on them to present their ideas clearly to an audience who may or may not understand what they are trying to say. I also made them edit these themselves.
Please read them both and leave some feedback in the comments section so that I can share the feedback with my students. Facebook is blocked at our school, so if you do have something to say, and I hope you do, please post it on the blog site.
Thanks again. I will be posting some more soon about Dragonboating and martial arts.
Paragraph 1
There are four entertaining activities that encourage tourists to come to Hong Kong. One of the main things that interests tourists may be attractions such as city districts, natural areas, cultural sites, and entertainment. For example, it is a fantastic idea to ride the tram to the Peak and take pictures of the breathtaking skyline. After seeing the skyline, you might be hungry and Hong Kong has a wide range of international delicacies that you can choose from. Out of all the options, Chinese cuisine is a popular choice. When you’re finished with your food, you can walk it off by going shopping in Hong Kong’s malls and markets. There is a wide range of goods from luxury items to great bargains; one of the popular places to find reasonable prices is Stanley Market. At the end of the day you might want to relax, and a pleasurable way to do that is to enjoy one of Hong Kong’s many events such as, the weekly horse races or the annual Dragon Boat Festival. Overall, tourists may want to visit Hong Kong for a trip jam-packed with attractions, food, shopping and special events.
Paragraph 2
There are four main reasons why tourists might travel to Hong Kong. First of all, there are many attractions such as outdoor adventures, cultural sites, and kids’ activities. One example is Ocean Park, which is a great place for the whole family because there are lots of rides, animals to see, and a cable car. Besides attractions, you can enjoy popular shops that vary from cheap to expensive. There are lots of markets and malls that can amaze you with what they have to offer. In addition to amazing shopping, you can also enjoy scrumptious food. You can choose from a wide selection of international cuisines including Hong Kong’s famous dim sum. Finally, in this diverse metropolis there are many exciting events such as the Rugby 7s and Chinese New Year fireworks. So as you can see, tourists may want to come to Hong Kong because they can see cool attractions, shop, eat delicious food, and watch amazing events.
Blogjam 
Paragraph 1- The article underscores the things that might appeal to the tourist in Hong Kong. That is communicated very well. However, if one is to judge the paragraph not on the idea communicated but rather on the use of english, proper syntax, punctuation and structure there is room for imporvement. Because of the way the ideas were communicated the subjects should actually have been addressed in more than one paragraph.
Frankly it was probably as well written as any 7th or 8th grader might have done in the U.S.
The second paragraph also relays the idea of interestinig activities for tourists very well. Again Syntax and structure would be equated with the level of skill of a junior high student in the U.S. To say there are 4 things then list the first, but not the second or third (clearly identified as such) and then to list a “final” option is acceptable at the level they are writing at but a more polished writer would either not have stipulated four and numbered only one or more likely stated that there were several options available and not numbered any of them.
If I were on the fence about traveling as a tourist to Hong Kong, either one of these articles would convince me to go. Each paragraph lists 3 or 4 things in a thesis statement then elaborates on each of those points in the main body. These paragraphs could easily be turned into an essay simply by explaining more about each thing. Both paragraphs had a conclusion statement which restated the thesis statement.
I liked how both paragraphs gave specific examples. Paragraph one talked about Stanley Market while paragraph two talked about Ocean Park. In paragraph two, instead of saying “You can choose from a wide selection of international cuisines including Hong Kong’s famous dim sum”, I would have found it more helpful if they gave specific names. But, that is just a technicality. I understood what both were saying and they demonstrated a good use of English.